Sports!

I am on left. My name is Dan Kolov. I am famous Bulgarian wrestler. Once I killed a man by putting head in lock and squeezing. In Bulgaria, we call this a hug!

I joke. We do not. We call it equisite vengenance.

Do you see my girth, fat man? My strength? I will end you. You have fired your last Bulgarian.

Praise Bulgaria.

Sex!

I am Dr. Carl Djerassi. Of Bulgarian descent, I made my name inventing the oral contraceptive pill. I just think it is amusing to me, a man of science and vengenace, that my life's work mocks that fat, sexless creep Caruso. I have no wish to kill you. Just to see you suffer.

Art!

I am Christo! I was born in Bulgaria, and am still enthralled with my native land of mountians and sorrow. I think, for my next living artowrk, my next display of vastness and energy and innovation which challenges our very concept of what art is, I will create a giant cloak made enitrely out of eggshells, delicately interwoven, then wrap Matthew Caruso in it, and proceed to whomp the living shit out of him with a cricket bat.

Fun and game time! Horray

This is Bulgarian version of game American kids play, you call "smear the queer". Caruso, when you play, can you guess who will be the queer? Yes! You! And you will die!

Hello Caruso!

We understand you have date tonight with sexy teacher. We Bulgarians know all, even though we are semi-literate knife-junkies. We hope you have a good time with this woman. Maybe you should ask her how to teach you to beg for death in Bulgarian. Might come in handy real soon.

Interesting facts of Bulgarian history

At this time the heresy known as Bogomilism (named after the monk who founded it) began. Briefly, its tenets were that Satan was the first born son of God the Father, Jesus the second, that matter was the creation of Satan and that obeying governments and kings was forbidden by God, as was the hierarchy of the Greek Orthodox church. (1) With its strongly anti-authoritarian philosophy, it gained great popularity among the lower classes, and its influence lasted into the 15th century.


You read that, you motherfucker Caruso? We think Satan is better than Jesus. Do you have any ideas the torments that will befall you? We are sick and dangerous assholes with a country soaked in heresy and violence.

President Georgi Parvanov

My fellow Bulgarians- we have requested from American President George Bush the extradition of our fat tormentor, Matthew Caruso. Extraditionlike our old tradition of kidnapping, but with papers. I have done this so that all Bulgarians- men, women, folkloric monsters, Gypsy, homosexuals- can take joy in various stabbings, punchings, Bulgarian buffets, gougings, sac twistings, biting and other elements of pain that have made our nation what it is. Re-elect Parvanov- blood on everyone's hands!